I finished the prayer that has had its home on my easel for a long time now. It’s hanging now. Piled among the other prayers I’ve painted. And now, a new blank page waits upon my easel. I keep wandering into my studio, staring at the paper and walking away. Over and over again. For three days now. Nothing has happened. There is no flicker. No hint. No image that calls me into the prayer. There’s just this white piece of paper waiting to be marked.
I wonder when it will happen. I wonder what the image will be. I wonder what more it will say about me and my God. But, mostly, I just wonder. I wonder a lot. I do it for a living. I get to ask tough questions of others. I get to push them and ask them at all sorts of strange times, “So, where is God for you now?” There’s no one answer. There’s just wonder.
So, it seems odd to receive the #Reverb10 prompt today. The prompt is wonder. One word with one question. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
Well, I do it all the time. Mostly, I make it for others. I create space where the sacred is invited in, but my complaint in ministry has always been the same. When I create those sacred spaces, I don’t get to worship. I don’t get to experience that sense of wonder and awe. I’m too concentrated on the details of the experience. I don’t get to experience it myself. I’ve chosen the words. I’ve planned the timing. I know what’s going to happen next. There is no surprise for me. Of course, I need those moments too. I know that I need to find those spaces where the holy can transcend my careful planning. This year, I’ve started to play with this thin space. I’ve been more intentional about singing weekly Taize. I’ve started to experiment with the ways that I worship when leading worship. I go for more walks. I pray. I’m late for church because I spend my morning in prayer. I try to find space for my mind to wander. We all need that — but it feels like this has been a year that I’ve needed it more. I’m thankful for these newly forming habits and hope they stick.